‘k so, I’m one week away from knowing if I’m pregnant. This whole trying, and then waiting for 18 days to know feels like it takes a year. I’m just not patient enough.

A few weeks ago, Mark and I had a wonderful evening together, one which culminated in his providing a priesthood blessing for me. I had given much thought to my physical vulnerability in preparing to become pregnant, and requested the blessing a few days earlier, for the sake of peace of mind. The way I see it, I have three choices:
1. become absolutely paranoid a la Organic Pregnancy (although I do love this book). Never eat anything that I didn’t grow/harvest/prepare myself. Live in a sealed bubble, or at least the country, far away from environmental and industrial toxins. Clean my entire house with baking soda and toothbrushes. Abandon my beloved makeup, shampoo,and lotions. Wear clothes made with organic cotton.
2. Plead with the God of the heavens to bless my body with strength and vitality, to help me to be the best medium of growth and development I can be; realize genetic disorder is largely beyond my control, and that the only being who has that control, is my Father.
3. A combination of the two. Or sort of. I want to be healthy. I want to do what I can to make sure detrimental elements don’t enter my body while it’s trying to sustain a child. But I can’t do everything, and I also need to trust the resiliency of my body, my immune system, my innate phsyiology which does its thing regardless of my will or desires. This is a gift of God, and I believe that he will aid me in my desire to nourish and sustain healthy children. Also, I want to acknowledge that physical ailments aren’t necessarily a punishment or a curse; should I ever have a child with dystrophy, cerebral palsy, hydroencephaly, autism, or any other “anomaly,” this isn’t necessarily something to be feared, and the child with said “anomaly” is no less worthy or deserving of my love, awe, care, and energy. So. I will do what I can, and leave the rest to God and nature. (being the same, to me.)
Anyway. Back to the blessing. The experience was transcendent in our relationship. I’ve received blessings from Mark before, and we’ve had spiritual experiences before, but this really was above and beyond. Mark stood over me, and placed his hands on my head, and the Spirit spoke through him. He blessed me to understand the powerful nature of the role that awaited me. He spoke of the many children who will be borne to me, and emphasized over and over again that I would not be alone in this sacred endeavor; God would be with me every step of the way. He told me that my body would be strong and resilient and that I would be able to embrace my role. I can’t remember the rest of the words, although the blessing was quite long. What I really remember was the absolute power of the moment – the supreme authority and grace with which the blessing was delivered, and the way Mark’s personality and normal style of voice were altered. The Spirit spoke through him, and I knew it. I felt very overwhelmed by God’s love and very grateful that God spoke to my fears and brought comfort.

I am still daunted by the prospects that lie ahead, but I’m not so anxious anymore. I’m humbled, and I’m greatful to have a husband who is in tune with God’s will and voice. After the blessing, we were both just overwhelmed and lay still for several minutes. Mark was teary and turned to me and said, God loves you so much. That message was for you.

And it was.